This page last updated: Wed., Jan. 26, 2005, 4:26:47 AM EST

January 26, 2005
 
BAYHAM ON THE BAYOU: Inauguration 2005: A Day of Yippies and Hippies
 
by Mike Bayham
Huntington News Network Columnist
 
Louisiana (HNN) — The Twentieth Amendment to the US Constitution mandates that the President and Vice-President be sworn into office on January 20th. Unfortunately this year it falls on a Thursday, necessitating the expending of some vacation time from work to make the trek to the nation's capital to witness the commencement of the second Bush term.
 
Having been to the previous inauguration in 2001 (The Year of Our Giuliani), I initially thought about punting on the trip but as I wanted the GOP to win this past election more so than any other, I figured it would be worth enduring the bitter elements to see firsthand the fruits of my (and about a million others') physical and spiritual efforts. Also having been an Elector, I got a chair to sit in this year.
 
If I had to summarize my most recent Beltway experience in a word, it would be "cold".
 
The weather the day before the Inauguration was similar to the weather in the movie The Day After Tomorrow, with a hard wind combined with a heavy, biting snow. Needless to say the snowstorm contrasted greatly with the sentimental dusting that visited the New Orleans area (AKA Chalmette) on Christmas Day.
 
Thankfully, the snow ceased on swearing in day, though this southerner steeled himself for the Fahrenheit 9 conditions with a heavy wool coat, rarely worn scarf, mittens (don't laugh), and Saints hat (REALLY don't laugh).
 
As I trudged to the West Side of Capitol Hill, I encountered a mass of humanity all trying to get through the magnetometers though I managed to arrive in the general vicinity of my chair just as the last few bars of John Ashcroft's "Let The Eagle Soar" (made famous in Michael Moore's opus) were being sung. I think the next time there is an IMF or WTO protest, the police should blare the retiring Attorney General's "Greatest Hits" over speakers.
 
Shortly thereafter, the Congressional Committee on Arrangements made their way down to the podium, led by the gelded Trent Lott of Mississippi, who did not work into his speech any further kind words for the late centenarian Senator from South Carolina. As the committee is bipartisan, Democratic congresspersons serving on the body were also announced, with Nancy Pelosi's name being greeted with a chorus of boos from the cheap seats (the standing area) and from one rascal in the seated area with a black watch plaid scarf.
 
While I joined the majority in giving the POTUS and VPOSTUS a standing ovation upon their appearance, I proudly led the "huzzahs" for the ailing man in the black robe with the gold bars on the sleeves, who graced the assembled throngs with his presence and performed the swearing in ceremony for the 43rd president before departing early from the festivities.
 
The speech was intentionally short on specifics (attention media: hence the difference between an Inaugural Address and the State of the Union), emphasizing mainly broad principles and values like freedom and racial tolerance.
 
During his speech I began to wonder if it was a veiled chastisement of his one time buddy in the Kremlin for his consolidation of power and purported role in serving some deadly soup to a Ukrainian politician. Also running through my mind is the wisdom of forcing democracy on a country like Pakistan that would vote out its US-friendly strongman and elect Osama Bin Laden Prime Minister in absentia.
 
At the conclusion of the address and benediction (which in length could have passed for a reading of the Declaration of Independence), I attempted to grab a bite to eat before the parade, which would afford me my first to catch a glimpse of the 2005 model of "street agitators", most of whom did not have to make the same occupational sacrifices I did to be there.
 
Regrettably, the people putting the parade together failed to grasp a logistical detail in which a bottleneck clogged by uncooperative protestors kept numerous individuals who bought tickets to the seated area. Blocked from my $15 bleacher section, I had to settle for watching some of the street theater from a distance as angry liberals screamed rants such as "hey-hey, ho-ho, (fill in the blank with crude language)" or "2-4-6-8-(fill in the blank with vitriol that rhymes with 'ate')".
 
Overall, I noticed that the rabble's numbers were down, partly due to the fact that Bush's relative landslide win took away the "stolen victory" contention that inflamed a wider audience. However, the level of angst and hate was much higher with this crowd precisely for the same reasons as the "Tin Foil Hat Caucus of the Left" are seething having been repudiated at the polls, though I am sure some maintain that Idaho was stolen from them.
 
Some examples of their vulgarities include one carrying a dummy with the First Lady's likeness that had the words "War Whore" on her dress, one rather unbalanced individual screaming that we were all Nazis (though in fairness there was an attendee who had a strong resemblance to Prince Harry), and the standard obscene sexual references employing the President's surname and the Vice-President's informal first name.
 
The official Inaugural Balls (which were all given a patriotic moniker) were held that evening, with Louisiana once again being lumped with Kansas, Michigan, Alaska, and other states with no connection with my own in the "Freedom Ball" at Union Station, which was a great venue, far superior to the Washington Hilton downstairs "bunker" that held the previous ball.
 
For the princely sum of $150, I had access to "all I could care to eat" barbeque, carrots, and paltry dessert. Naturally, there was a Jindalesque cash bar, actually a "bullion bar" that served sodas at $3 and mixed drinks starting at $7. Not long after I arrived, the President briefly joined us and I raised my three-dollar Sprite in his honor as the black-tied and ball gowned assemblage furiously tried to capture the moment on their digital cameras.
 
At the end of the evening, a friend and I went back to where we were staying in Adams Morgan, the Fallujah of DC. While en route to the apartment, my friend unwisely decided to capture on his camera a scene in which wilding protestors were being arrested and secured in the paddy wagon. As we were both wearing tuxedos, even a graduate of the Washington public school system could figure out where we were coming from and one of their unarrested brethren immediately began to taunt us. I countered with something to the effect that I enjoyed hearing the whining of liberals who lost an election, which transformed the protestor's demeanor from sarcastic to rage.
 
Before it was all said and done, the goateed hothead sprayed some kind of liquid on my friend's coat and made off. So much for a new era in civil political discourse.
 
After a day of being cursed and screamed at by local protestors, I began to contemplate the wisdom of an amendment to the Constitution to move the next inauguration to either Omaha or Salt Lake City yet still possessing a feeling of satisfaction with the extension of the Democrat's exile from the White House.

Mike Bayham is author of Right From The Bayou: The Opinions of a Conservative Cajun, which is available at iUniverse.com.

HNN is not responsible for the content of external internet sites