HE SAID/SHE SAID ON FILM
‘The Fog’ Is One Dense Turkey
By Tracey Bush and Tony Rutherford
Huntington, WV (HNN) --- SHE SAID – Tracey:
Much like the cloudlike mass it was named after, "The Fog" is a dense, and anything but intense, ghastly misfire of a ghost story that this critic literally found to be "all smoke, and no fire,"
This wretched remake of the 1980 original stars TV hotties of the moment, Tom Welling of “Smallville” and Maggie Grace of “Lost” fame, and is set in the isolated fishing town of Antonio Bay, Calif. In honor of the town’s upcoming centennial celebration, the residents are preparing to honor their founding fathers, all of whom we later discover, shared a deadly secret concerning a crime that was committed exactly one-hundred years ago to the day.
The main action centers around Nick Castle (Welling) a down-on-his luck-and perpetually shirtless- fishing boat captain-cum-hunk, who, ever since his girlfriend Elizabeth (Grace) bolted to New York, has been “pimpin” Stevie Wayne (Selma Blair) Antonio Bay’s resident late night DJ, and apparently only single mother.
Then, when Elizabeth unexpectedly returns, she discovers that she has arrived just in time to help her boyfriend solve a series of “gross out” murders, that only seem to occur when a mysterious mass of fog engulfs their turf. After some serious sleuthing, Elizabeth not only discovers that the only people who are getting “whacked” are the direct descendants of the town’s founders, but that the motive for the killings is-duh, and double duh- revenge.
Along the way, viewers also get to meet some of Antonio Bay’s other colorful characters, like Father Malone (Adrian Hough) the local alcoholic priest/tortured soul who knows more about the sins of the town’s forefathers then he cares to admit, and, for some comic relief, there’s Spooner (DeRay Davies),the local stereotypical “brotha from da hood”-and, for that matter, the only person of color in the entire film-who gets falsely “fingered” for the first series of murders.
So, besides being totally racist, overall, “The Fog” is one ship wreck-as opposed to train wreck-of a movie that comes to one wimpy, washed-up wiener-as opposed to winner-of a conclusion, that only proves on thing: Director Rupert Wainwright is in no danger of disrupting his perpetual loosing streak, which includes the notoriously nauseating, cult classic, “Stigmata.”
HE SAID – TONY:
Come on, isn’t wretched a little harsh?
Relying almost solely upon a classical supernatural aura, the remake has Carpenter’s trademark tinny musical score and ominous whooshing sounds which deliberately entrée the arrival of hideous , leprosy disfigured apparitions.
Unfortunately, Tracey, the film’s jumpy introduction of all those endangered characters you mentioned prove more engrossing than the actual arrival of the vengeful ghosts. By constantly switching focus from a lighthouse disc jockey, to a weatherman, to young bikini-types out on a voyage and back to the young son of the disc jockey, “The Fog” fails to ignite anything beyond the most basic of frights.
Probably the most effective scare tactic comes from the barely visible outlines of the decaying ghosts creeping upon their next victim. But by adhering to the PG mode of politically correct nastiness, the horrors and shocks never achieve their full scare potential. Further, the ‘who will survive’ cliché does not evoke much empathy for anyone other than the kid.
Yes, “The Fog” only serves up routine scares but these shrouds from dry ice Hades need more than swirling vapors to consistently punch up a shriek or gut punch surprise. But I’ve seen greater shipwrecks than this.
SHE SAID – Tracy:
Duh, you don’t get it, do ya? “The Fog” is a prime example of “life imitating art.”
Back in 1980, Director John Carpenter was riding high after his smash directorial debut in the landmark, low budget, 1979 horror film, “Halloween.” So, with expectations high, Carpenter prepared to helm his first major, big budget, studio movie-an original horror film entitled “The Fog.”
However, when the release of the film was met with disastrous reviews and box office recites, a seemingly battered and betrayed Carpenter turned his back on mainstream Hollywood and continued to make his own movies, his own way-films like “Escape From New York,” and “The Thing,” that, although they did achieve a certain cult status, never really “hit the mark” with mainstream audiences.
Now, here we are twenty-five years later, and what do we find floating back into our local multiplex, but a raunchy, big budget, major studio, remake of “The Fog,” produced by none other than John Carpenter himself!
Thus, this information leads me to wonder if Carpenter’s motivation for helming this new version of “The Fog” was: A).Give his former project a much needed “make over-cum upgrade” or, B). Get his own personal revenge on the critics and audiences, who give his movie a serious “thumbs down” the first time around?
I’m more inclined to go with the B).
VIEWER’S REACTION: None. It was very, very quiet.